Dear Jennifer, I recently read about your story and at first it just angered me. I know sometimes headlines are written for maximum shares, so I wanted to read more before I comment on it. In all honesty, at first, I thought it was satire. Is a mom really suing because of the pain and suffering of a raising a non-white baby?
I didn't want to form an opinion without learning more, so I read on. I watched your tearful videos. From what I saw it sounds like you love your daughter. But, love in not an excuse for bad behaviour.
Jennifer, I get it. I know it's hard managing expectations when parenting doesn't turn out the way you expect. I know you wanted an ideal child and you put a lot of care into choosing what that child would look like. The ideal child for you would be a white baby from a father with blond hair and blue eyes. And instead, you received a mixed race baby.
I get you being upset with the sperm bank. I would be too. WHO wouldn't be? Realistically, I cannot imagine a scenario where anyone could have this happen and not be upset. We would all have that moment of Oh my god. What happened?
Photo source <http://rare.us/story/parenting-this-baby-is-not-what-she-expected-so-she-is-suing-again/>
And so you sued. You said you sued because the sperm bank was callous, didn't apologize, and didn't seem to care about their mistake. The case was thrown out. You had a right to sue; the sperm bank made a colossal mistake. I agree with you that the sperm bank should be held accountable - not because of the mixed race baby but because they messed up. And I think that is what you should focus on.
Instead, though, the second time around, you are focusing on the emotional trauma associated with raising a non-white baby. This is the part where I'm completely lost. From watching the videos and the way you talk about your child, it seems like you love her, and you are happy with your daughter. You say you wouldn't change a thing, and you are very happy. Again, Jennifer, I have to remind you that love is not an excuse for bad behaviour.
Using your child's skin colour and mixed race status as a negative to try and leverage the trauma to you is wrong.
Requesting money to be able moved to a more tolerant town because you cannot stay in the racist town that you live and grew up in is wrong.
Requesting money because of the emotional pain associated with driving to a black hairdresser to get your daughter's hair cut is the height of hypocrisy.
Can't you see that your daughter will one day read that you felt that raising her was harder simply because of the colour of her skin?
Guess what Jennifer; it is not your sweet daughter's fault that you have to move to another town. It's systemic racism towards people of colour.
It is not your daughter's fault that you feel uncomfortable driving to a black hairdresser to get her hair done. It is your own racist tendencies.
I know, you are going to say that you are not racist and can't be racist because you know what it's like to be marginalized. This is where I'm going to say bullshit, Jennifer.
In fact, this is so much worse because you are a part of a marginalized group. You should understand. And you should know better.
You are going to say you are not racist because you love your daughter. Loving one non-white person does not make absolve you from your racism. In fact, you are now doing to your daughter what others may have done to you because of your sexual orientation. Do you see that?
Jennifer, whether you mean what you say, or only saying it to get money out of the insurance company, you are your child's first bully.
You are using black stereotypes so that white people at the insurance company will be sympathetic towards your request for $150,000. AND you know what you are doing.
So how does it feel to be your child's first bully? To perpetuate the stigma that she is less than a white child because of the colour of her skin.
I get it. It was a shock; it was a disappointment, but this child deserves parents who will be her ally, not her bully. She deserves parents who are going to protect her in a very unfair world. She deserves parents that will not perpetuate racism towards her no matter how much it may help their case.
And for God's sake this poor child is going to read about herself one day. She is going to read how she was not wanted, and how difficult it was for her parents simply because of the colour of her skin. She is going to read that she was a mistake and that she made your life difficult simply because of the colour of her skin.
But Jennifer, you knew who she was going to be before she was born and you chose to have her.
Now I'm asking you to choose to support her, choose to stand up for her, choose to break down barriers for her, choose to fight systemic racism for her.
File a suit because the lab made a colossal mistake, sue because you want to prevent other couples from going through the same thing. Sue because you believe the lab should be held accountable.
But please, do not base your suit on the pain and suffering of parenting a non-white baby. That is just bullshit!