My daughter hates the car seat too and cries until hysterical if the ride is more than half hour or so. She is 12 months old and still facing backwards as she doesn't meet the weight requirement. I was hoping the crying would stop when she's facing forwards but maybe not.
I do find that sitting in the back seat with her helps. When we go out as a family, I always sit with her. She is much better than if mom and dad are in the front and she's all alone in the back. Of course I use toys and occasionally the portable dvd player to distract her.
If it's a long trip, I try to time it during nap time and tire her out and make sure she's full before we leave. For long distance trips, leaving at night is good too so they're tired and sleep.
Other than that, I have a friend who gives her son Gravol on long car rides. I know this probably isn't the best thing but our pediatrician ok'd it as long as it's once in a while and for plane rides and long car or train rides only. Follow the directions for weight (all medications should be given by weight not age) and everything is fine. The baby will sleep and you can breathe.
By the way, I have flown with my daughter, just turned 12 months, 6 times and she's been fine. Perhaps it would be beneficial for you to get some help with your fear of flying at this time? This may be a good opportunity and excuse to work on one of your fears with your baby as an excuse. It's also nice not to pass down our fears to our children. I don't mean to sound trite or like it is a simple thing but just suggest that you may want to look into your own fear. I found flying with my baby had a couple of challenges but overall was fine. The airlines are very helpful and the baby/toddler enjoys the new experience, sights, sounds and sleep through a lot of it. They also aren't confined into a seat for hours and hours at a time and able to move around or sit on mommy's lap and watch tv which makes them happy campers. Just a thought.