Life With A Baby - I didn't know how depressed I was until I got better

Tuesday, January 26, 2010 11:45 PM

Message # 274761

Claire (Administrator)

If you had a postpartum mood disorder, such as depression, anxiety or other mood disorders were you aware of this while it was happening?

For me, it wasn't until I felt better that I realized that I was actually depressed. I'm just wondering if other moms who experienced a PPMD felt the same way. I know there are sites and information for moms who have a PPMD with "what to do if you have a PPMD", but if you do not believe that you in fact have a PPMD how can you benefit from this?

Also, how did your PPMD manifest itself? For me, I was angry and resentful towards my husband. I also felt a lot of guilt that I couldn't live up to other people's expectation. My self-confidence was at an all time low.

-Claire

Last modified: Tuesday, January 26, 2010 11:45 PM | Claire (Administrator)

Thursday, January 28, 2010 1:01 PM

Reply # 275530 on 274761

Kelley

Hi Claire,

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I did feel a certain resentment towards my partner, because HE got to go out to work every day and talk to other adults and have a life that was separate from parenthood. I felt trapped and lonely. And so very jealous. It felt like life had left me behind. And of course, with all those feelings came guilt. So I assumed I was just being selfish and didn't address any of these concerns. Looking back, I realize I was pretty damned depressed.

Now I am pregnant with baby#2 and finding the same feelings arising, but much more intense. But at least I am addressing them this time.

Everyone around me dances around and chirps about how wonderful pregnancy and motherhood is and it gets wearing, no? I mean, of course it is wonderful. But there is a dark side which still seems taboo, regardless of all we have learned. We Mums put on the happy, happy face for the benefit of others and it is exhausting.

I think society still expects mothers to act in a certain way and if we are the stay-at-home-variety, then we REALLY aren't allowed to complain.

Thursday, February 25, 2010 10:56 PM

Reply # 297114 on 274761

Claire (Administrator)

Hi Kelly,
I know what you mean... lol, once you make that choice to stay home, suddenly you are also supposed to be the cook, the maid and everything else... and the minute we mention how difficult it is, someone is there to say, but this is what you wanted, or you are so lucky what are you complaining about? When all you really want is for them to listen to you vent for a few minutes.

My favourite comeback is that a SAHM is not a housewife... A SAHM is working full time with the child. The child is the boss and is a lot more demanding that the 9-5 boss. So until that child is off to school full time don't expect too much from the mom during the working hours :-)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 9:15 PM

Reply # 324848 on 274761

Shilaja

Can PPMD occur months after the baby's born? I was under the impression that it was something that happened shortly after baby's birth, so I didn't consider that I might be affected by it. I was fine after I had my baby, but found that when the baby was aorund 9 months old (we also moved from a condo to a house at that time), I started to have feelings like both of you were describing. What do you recommend? What helps?

Thursday, April 22, 2010 2:27 PM

Reply # 329640 on 274761

Dawn

hi there

i just had my 2nd baby 5 weeks ago and know the signs now for what i am feeling. I go to the doc next week and this time am going to ask for some help. i have a great support network but feel like no one really understands how i feel.

My babies are 20 months apart in age and everyone else i know has 3+ yrs btwn their kids. My MIL had her sons 4+ yrs apart. All of them offer "help" but also judge me for looking so exhausted and for dropping weight so quickly. I feel like i am wearing my superwoman cape again and cooking dinner and cleaning and doing laundry even when i cant see straight because i am so damn tired. My 21month old gave up her nap and the baby is being breast fed so i am not getting much rest at all.

I have days where i just wish we had stuck with one. then others that i am so grateful for my new daughter i cry. PPMD is really the worst part of pregnancy! with all that can be done for pregnancies and inutero babies WHY CANT THEY FIX THIS!??

lol

thanks for listening/reading my vent!

D

Thursday, April 22, 2010 4:53 PM

Reply # 329699 on 274761

sarah

Perhaps it would be helpful for mothers that think they might be experiencing PPMD to meet face-to-face, maybe in the privacy of someone's home to discuss these issues????

Thursday, April 22, 2010 5:46 PM

Reply # 329725 on 274761

Claire (Administrator)

Sometimes meeting with other moms to discuss the issues without a counselor or trained professional around can sometimes create more anxiety and make the situation worse.

I think we sometimes hush, hush the challenges of parenting and only talk about it behind closed doors. Then moms feel alone like they are the only ones going through it.

D, thanks so much for sharing with the group, there is a great program for moms who are feeling depressed or anxious. It's called Transition to Parenting and it's run by registered nurses. To register for this program you can call Health Connection at 1-800-361-5653

We also run peer support programs that are six weeks in length where you can connect with other LWAB members who are looking to connect with other moms to share, make new networks and support each other. We have different guest speakers who come in each week. You can check the calendar for the next one in your area.

-Claire

Last modified: Thursday, April 22, 2010 5:46 PM | Claire (Administrator)

Thursday, April 22, 2010 5:51 PM

Reply # 329732 on 324848

Claire (Administrator)

Shilaja Miranda wrote:
Can PPMD occur months after the baby's born? I was under the impression that it was something that happened shortly after baby's birth, so I didn't consider that I might be affected by it. I was fine after I had my baby, but found that when the baby was aorund 9 months old (we also moved from a condo to a house at that time), I started to have feelings like both of you were describing. What do you recommend? What helps?

Yes PPMD can occur any time during the 1st year and is sometimes triggered by feeling stressed or isolated. It may just be the stress of moving and re-adjusting but if you find that you are feeling low often and you feel very overwhelmed I would call Health connection and ask about the transition to parenting program. I would also get out as much as possible : go for walks, make a routine for yourself, eat well, spend time alone for yourself away from baby and away from hubby -even if it's just an hour a week - make that time for yourself.

Thursday, April 29, 2010 8:43 PM

Reply # 333388 on 274761

sarah

I am a social worker who is prepared to facilitate a support group that is short-term, if there are enuf interested mothers.

I didn't know how depressed I was until I got better - any similar experiences?

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