It's going to be ten years of marriage in a few months. So we should have this co-parenting thing figured out already, right? I wish I could say we have everything figured out. We do not. The #1 thing that we argue about tends to be related to parenting styles. I'm more lenient that he would like me to be, and he is stricter that I would like him to be. When I find myself getting annoyed and thinking he is too strict, I remind myself that we both love and want the best for our kids.

For all the ways we differ in our parenting, I always remind myself just how much he loves her and has always loved her. How much he protected her when I was going through PPD. How much of a rock he was for both of us in those early years. How he gave us the love we needed when I was in the void and my anxieties and my fears were controlling our lives. It's hard to say what a good man looks like in moments of stress and exhaustion. And parenting little ones is exhausting at times.

I can tell you there were lots and lots of moments over the last ten years when we did not think we would make it. In the first year of marriage after our daughter was born, I thought he was the worst husband in the world. I was so angry and resentful and upset with him all the time. I hated that his life hadn't changed, and I was the only one who was losing myself. I am glad we did counseling, and I'm glad I was able to recognize where some of those issues were just in my head. There were lots of things that we needed to work through, and I'm glad we worked through them.

A friend recently asked me what my advice is for the first year. Honestly, the first year of marriage after kids is hard. SO VERY HARD. The sleep deprivation plays so badly with our heads. If you had a good relationship before the stress of parenting took over - fight for your relationship. Put the time and effort in to get you back to where you were or to an even better place. I am so glad that I did.

This photo popped up in my reminders today. I'm glad we took lots of pictures. That first year can be blurry. You know that saying "the days are long but the years are short"? It's true.

My daughter is nine years old now. I cannot believe that much time has passed, it feels like just yesterday she was a baby. I remember this day at the splash pad. I remember that he was the one running through and playing with her. I was sitting under a tree resting and decided to zoom in with the camera to find them at the splash park. I remember capturing this very sweet moment and being glad that I saw it.

It's the same with marriage sometimes. In those blurry days of parenting little ones, the years will fly by, make sure that you hold on to each other. Make sure to store the good days in your memory for protecting against those bad days. Sometimes we tend to focus more on the negative than the positive. Make sure to imprint all the positive memories on your brain.

If conflicting parenting styles is a challenge in your marriage, work through it. Remember that moms and dads parent differently and that is OK.

If you are in the trenches now, capture those moments, fight for the people you love, it will get better. XO