oh, the MIL topic... I looked at this for a week and thought should I? so here goes,
The relationship with your MIL after the baby depends a lot on the relationship before. If you had a good relationship prior to the baby, chances are after the first year things will go back to normal (if you didn't burn your bridges during the 1st year). If you didn't have a good relationship before, then adding a baby to mix usually makes the situation more volatile.
In my case, I felt very nervous with some of the things my MIL was doing with my infant. Giving her too much water (actually sneaking behind our backs and doing it b/c she thought it was in her best interest), giving her solids too early, not being aware of certain dangers like leaving her on the change table alone in the room. not respecting our parenting choices. Complaining about my bad housekeeping to my husband etc, etc, etc.
I finally had enough when she let her dog lick Katelyn(after repeately asking her to keep Katelyn away from the dog) and she ended up getting e-coli.
But in my case I knew she wasn't trying to be malicious, she just didn't know better or she thought what she was doing was right. Even so, I had my husband talk to her which she thought was very disrespectful and she told him that he is supposed to be taking her side - not mine. It was at this point that I pulled "it's my baby, and what I say goes". Luckily my hubby agreed with me and we refused to leave Katelyn alone with her until she realized that what we say goes. After about a month when she saw we were serious she agreed to follow our guidelines. Even so I was still not comfortable leaving her alone with my infant. I did however bring Katelyn there so she could spend time with her. It's really important to me that Katelyn is close with her grand-parents especially since my parents are so far away and I knew there would be a time when I wouldn't have to worry about safety concerns.
It wasn't until around 18 months that I was really comfortable leaving Katelyn with her and this was after months of going over the guidelines. Now Katelyn and her grandparents are extremely close. When I was sick I was able to leave her there for a few days. Every so often we leave her there for a night so we can catch up on rest. It really is a God sent to have some type of support from the grand-parents (especially if that's the only help available). All I can say is I'm really glad I didn't burn my bridges b/c right now I really don't know what I would do without their help.
of course, if this post had come out during the first year, I would writing a different post with all the things my MIL did or said or acted, but thank goodness that passed.
There are still so many things where I basically have to close my eyes and let it go. I just pick my battles now. Right now, we need the help more than we need to be right about how long she can watch TV or how much candy she can give her.
Hope that offer some comfort that this too will eventually pass.
-Claire
