Life With A Baby - Crying Toddler who says he does not like school

Friday, November 05, 2010 7:24 AM

Message # 457424

pam

My almost 3 year old toddler son has been crying every day for the last 10 months when we go to daycare. On some mornings, he starts crying from the moment we get bring/carry him into the car to be strapped into the carseat. He would cry the whole drive to daycare and the volume is quite loud and at times he gets hysterical. He continues to cry on the way into daycare and until 2 to 5 minutes after the quick hand-off.

I've tried to logic with him about mommy and daddy going to work to earn money to pay for the house and toys. I've tried asking why he does not like and what he does not like about school? I've tried asking if he likes his friends, teachers, etc and the answer is no. We even resorted to bribing but quickly stopped that. He keeps saying he does not like school and he wants to go home. I looked around for another daycare spot and one will not be opening up until 2011.

He does love home where is gets the full attention of his parents in the evenings, have access to his toys and movies.

It has gotten to the point where he doesn't to go anywhere (in the car or the park) as he fears that we will take him to school. He also doesn't want to bring anything for show and tell days.

Could you share any strategies on how to deal with the situation? My nerves are raw at times.

I was trulying hoping that he would love daycare. At pick-up time he is happy but really wants to go home. He is also developing well.

I'm at wits end on the mystery.

Last modified: Friday, November 05, 2010 7:24 AM | pam

Monday, November 15, 2010 6:29 PM

Reply # 463829 on 457424

sarah

It sounds like that daycare is not a good fit for your child. I would suggest if there are not other daycare spots until next year, looking at home-based, licensed daycares like wee-watch. Maximum of 4 kids under the age of 5 (I think) and 2 under the age of two. Licensed by the ministry. Early Childhood Educator does spot visits monthly and calls with update. In terms of your child being scared that when he goes in the car you will take him to daycare, I suggest the following. Tell your child you will always tell him before he gets into the car where you are going and that you will not lie or trick him into going to daycare. Then do it. It will take him a little while to trust you about this, but if you are consistent, he will start to trust you. If he does not want to bring things to show and tell, respect his choice and tell him you respect his choice. Ask him if he would like mommy to put something in his backpack just in case he changes his mind. If he says no, respect that--it gives him a sense of autonomy. The more the adults push show and tell, the more he will balk at it. Based on what you have written, I wonder what is really happening at the daycare, ie does your child feel that staff are mean to him? Is he being bullied? Is there adequate supervision? If the daycare has an open-door policy for parents to drop in whenever, I would suggest doing so, without telling your child in advance that you are doing it. Talk to other parents at your daycare outside the earshot of the staff and see if they have any concerns...Hope this is helpful...Good luck!!!

Monday, November 29, 2010 2:23 PM

Reply # 471077 on 457424

Mireille

Sounds awful!
I agree with the previous post that maybe the structure/size/style is just too much for your little man. I struggled with this myself when choosing a daycare for my son and found he really didn't like being one of 20 kids in a toddler room. So, we did go with Wee Watch and the clincher is to find the right provider - keep interviewing until you find someone who will be a good bridge to that larger setting that is a bit more like school than home. Our provider was a teacher and has worked in large daycare centres, so she really offers the best of both worlds. But I know other Wee Watch families who just don't feel there is enough stimulation. So, it is all about that fit with the provider.
Hopefully things are improving for you and for your son.

Thursday, December 02, 2010 7:31 PM

Reply # 473554 on 457424

Chris

If you son has been crying for 10 month, there is obviously something not right. I would not blame your son and say that he likes home better bc he has more attention. There is another issue at hand. At that age, it is really hard to understand what is wrong.

1. Talk to some of the other parents and set up playdates, so that he has a buddy. Someone that he can hang with or bond with.

2. Try to open the lines of communication more. Ask lots of questions and try to figure out what he doesnt like at school. The teachers, the other students, the strictness of the program, lack of attention or too much attention,...

3.http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Separation-Anxiety-Solution-Good-bye/dp/0071596909

No cry separation solution by the author who wrote no cry sleep solution.

4. Honestly, I dont think THAT school is the right place for your child. It does not mean tthat all schools are wrong for your son. There are lot of other places that you can switch your child to. If you can`t switch, I would go and sit outside the classroom and see what the issue is. It can be mistreatment issues. For the safety and psychological wellness of your child, change schools. 10 months is a long time. If he has trouble at this school and you dont resolve the issue, you might have a bigger problem later.

Thursday, January 06, 2011 2:30 PM

Reply # 490619 on 457424

Debbi (Administrator)

Not sure this is still an issue for you.

I just briefly read through the No Cry Separation Anxiety book, and highly recommend you borrow/ buy it. There's a section with your exact scenario and Elizabeth Pantley outlines some strategies that you can try.

There's a preview of the book on Google Books

Friday, January 07, 2011 6:37 AM

Reply # 490970 on 490619

pam

Debbi wrote:
Not sure this is still an issue for you.

I just briefly read through the No Cry Separation Anxiety book, and highly recommend you borrow/ buy it. There's a section with your exact scenario and Elizabeth Pantley outlines some strategies that you can try.

There's a preview of the book on Google Books

The situation stil exists. We finally got our son to verbalize. We asked him what things at daycare makes him happy and what things at daycare made him sad. His reply was the teachers. I asked if they yell and then refrased if they spoke too loud. The answer was yes. So we are looking into another two facilities that have a warm nuturing environment in Richmond Hill. We are still on their waiting lists.

Thank you very much for the book referral and the advice. Everyone's advice and my son's explanation has really made me realize that we need to move him and it is the environment.

Thank you everyone!

Saturday, February 05, 2011 9:31 PM

Reply # 516644 on 457424

Jenn

Hi Pam

i am happy to hear that you have gotten to the root of your sons distress, and now you can act accordingly, to ensure you keep the chains of communication open with him mayeb try what we do at home with our 3 year old. after story time in bed, i ask her what she liked about her day and then what she didnt like, then she asks me the same, i have found that this is a great way that she shares things with me.

my daughter has been going to Peekaboo day care, she use to go to the one on Traders Boulevard in Vaughan... it has VOI - video over the internet.... i dont know if this is too far for you, but its AMAZING. sadly we moved to had to move her, to another Peekaboo location, but the staff and mgm are wonderful, caring and understanding.... and you can watch your child any time of the day, or all day if you wish.

good luck

Friday, February 18, 2011 5:25 PM

Reply # 528856 on 457424

Colleen

Hi Pam,

I'm so sorry your son is having such a rough time in daycare.

If you haven't already checked it out, you should really look at Genesis Community Daycare Center in Richmond Hill. My son goes there and it's a very loving environment. He enjoys going there and anytime I go the kids all seem happy. Also, in the year and a half that he's been there, there has been zero turnover of staff which is a real bonus.

It's a Christian daycare, which means it's not for everyone. I was a bit concerned sending him there, because we're not very religious and have never even taken him to church. However, it's not an issue. They do some Christian activities, but there are no expectations of the kids or parents as far as religion goes. Also, I think the fact that it's a Christian daycare means some people aren't interested and they have a shorter waiting list than others.

Sunday, February 27, 2011 2:46 PM

Reply # 534070 on 457424

pam	Hello all, With my new work situation, we switched my son to a new daycare and he has transitioned well. Daddy is doing drop off and pick up. The new daycare has an indoor gym and has a 50% montessori curriculum. So it is a happy for now story. Thank you for all your support. P.

Crying Toddler who says he does not like school

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