My kids are very compatible to my personality, but when they do have tantrums my first line of defense in stopping the tantrum is a hug. Then while I'm hugging them, they tell me all the things that are wrong in their little world. Then I agree with them and make suggestion. For me it works like magic. Agreeing with them on why they are upset doesn't mean they get what they want. It just means that I let them know, that I am listening, and I understand why they are upset.
Yesterday Katelyn (8) was having a tantrum in the kitchen. Things weren't going her way. Truth be told she was up until 12 the night before because we hosted a party.
So, I told her to come and tell me all about what was upsetting her, and I gave her a hug, and agreed that it didn't seem fair that she couldn't watch TV, and agreed that it's not fun to be bored. And yes, it would be great if she could watch TV, but she cannot because she needs to do her homework. And yes, later after everything was all done we would do something together as a family. And she could decide what the family night activity will be. She started off speaking loudly, and angrily and within 2 minutes was down to a sniffle, and finally a laugh.
Interestingly enough even though she was crying about wanting to watch TV, when given the choice of choosing the family night activity she wanted to make her own word search.
Also yesterday Ethan (4) was already having a tantrum, but a more outright body flailing type tantrum. So I scooped him up in my arms and sat down with him in my arms. And I wrapped my arms and body around his little body. And I agreed that it is not fair that I do not have bananas in the house, and that I should have gotten bananas at the grocery store, and that I will get bananas the next time I go grocery shopping. And would he like to go grocery shopping with daddy and help to pick out the bananas? And he went from whole body being upset to just snuggles and kisses, and happy Ethan in less than 2 minutes.
Most of the time, our little ones just want to be heard. Regardless of how ridiculous the reason to us. It's a big deal to them. Hugs and understanding works to help my 8 and 4 year old calm down and get back to themselves.
Have you tried hugs as tool to reduce tantrums? Is magic for you too?
