My Life After Baby

Thursday, June 26, 2008 10:17 PM | Jessica

Hi Everyone,

My name is Jessica and Alexia asked me to share my story b/c quite a few moms have some post partum issues, but are too scared to tell anyone because we don't want to be judged.

I have a daughter who was born in July 2007 and my life has never been the same. In the first month I wanted to scream all the time, how could this happen to me, I have a great husband, a new baby, a house, bla bla all the things that I thought would make me happy, but then I had a baby and everything just changed. I became sad, there was no hope. I was living in a sad, desolute place.

First month - Complete Hopelessness
There were times when I thought I was going to drive off a bridge, the baby cried all the time, I always smelled like baby puke... I hated my life

Second Month - The month of Questions
When is it going to get easier, isn't it supposed to be easier, when am I going to get happy? Can someone please take her, I don't want her anymore, Why did I do this? What is someone takes her and give her back to me in a couple months? Where is all the support I was supposed to have? What happened to my husband? Why is he such a jerk? Why is he drinking all the time? Why won't my mother-in-law go away? Why are all the other moms so happy?

Third Month - I am a failure
Here I have a perfectly healthy, innocent baby and I cannot love her, I cannot stop crying, I am a failure, all the other moms are better moms, I am not a good mom. Everyone would be better off if I wasn't around.

Fourth Month - Okay I got four hours of sleep
All I really remember about this month is that I got FOUR hours of sleep. This was a good day, I have hope, maybe things will get better, maybe she will decide that she will start sleeping longer. What did I do different, okay I have to keep doing that? I see a light at the end of the tunnel

Fifth Month - Oh Crap! She is waking up again
Did you know that they use sleep deprivation as torture? This is torture!!! why did she wake up three times last night? What did I do differently, at this point I started keeping a food diary & schedule to see if there is any pattern depending on the amount of food she has - and I realize there is NO pattern, this sucks!!! what am I supposed to do? I need sleep... at this point I start swearing a lot. I start getting pissed off at everyone who told me - "oh it's the best experience ever, you will have so much fun" LIARS! I hate you all for lying to me.

Sixth Month - I met Alexia
Don't worry she said, it happens to the best of us, maybe not in the same extent, but lack of sleep will do that to you. Why don't you go to the Transition to Parenting class, it will help you. So I did and I met lots of moms who are in the same situation. We are not bad moms, we are just having a rough time, it will get better. Just knowing that there were other people out there who weren't SUPER MOM and I wasn't the only one made a hugh difference for me.

Seventh Month - I LOVE my baby
Oh wow, I love my baby, I feel better. I have mostly good days now, I still have bad days, but I decided to take some medication. Depression is an illness and someone told me that that if someone had diabetes they would take insulin, so the same happens with Depression, it needs to be treated. I finally got treatment and my life has turned around. I still have bad days, days that I cry, but they are happening less and less.

Eight Months to Now - Its one day at a time
Some days are good, some days are not so good, there seems to be always something, teething, growth spurt, tummy upset, fever, cold... this is life now. This is motherhood and I really do enjoy it. I would be happy to get some sleep, she still only sleeps five hours max. But I am coping and considering how far I came, I am happy with where I am now.

I hope that by sharing I was able to reach out to someone.

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Comments

Thursday, July 03, 2008 11:02 AM | Marina

Amazing story,
I think we all experienced this in a certain way, but noone wanted to talk about it.
Thanks for sharing,
Marina

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008 6:29 AM | Claire (Administrator)

Hi Jessica,
Thanks for sharing. We've all had some challenges along the way, whether it's loneliness, isolation, anxiety or just getting used to being at home alone with a baby... and that's why we created this site, so that moms can share thier stories and reach out to one another.

Motherhood is such an amazing journey, there will be issues and challenges at every stage, but it is sooo worth it, to look at your little one and marvel you actually carried him/her in your tummy for nine months... the miracle of it - it's pretty awesome.

The most important thing to remember is that the compensation is pure unconditional love for now and always... and that's pretty amazing.

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Tuesday, September 23, 2008 6:52 AM | Theresa

I absolutely understand why and how you feel after the birth of the baby. The hardest thing for me to get over is sleep deprivation. Sometimes I envy other moms whose babies sleep like 10-11 hours straight at night. You are right. Some days are good and some days are bad. Sometimes I wonder when my life will be getting more "normal".

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- Thursday, October 02, 2008 11:38 AM | Claire (Administrator)
  
  Hi Theresa,
  I felt the exact same way and even now I do... Before I had Katelyn my life was so different... I am extremely happy to have her, but some days I greive the loss of my old life, the careerwoman, the wife, "the baby" b/c my husband use to baby me and sometimes I feel guilty for even thinking that I miss all of that - but it's true and it's not a bad thing. I would never change anything about my life now b/c I'm so happy to have her - but it's a huge responsibility and it's forever - in that sense, you may not feel like your "old" self again... it think it's impossible to, but what I did was embrace my new life. I accepted the fact that it will never be the same again - but it can be better than before.
  
  There are still days when I feel like "this sucks" I have to do everything and his life didn't change that much... etc...etc... and I've finally accepted that it is OK. It's OK to miss what you had before, it doesn't take away from how much you love your baby.
  
  It took me about 13 months to come to that realization, but after your baby turns one - you will feel so much better - it's like a milestone for moms. I felt that if I made the first year - then the rest will be fine b/c the first year is the hardest that it will be...
  Hope that helps,
  Alexia
  
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Wednesday, October 08, 2008 11:29 AM | Mireille

It is nice to see a spot where Moms share this often untouched subject. I did struggle a lot the first 3-4 months: breastfeeding was not easy, Thomas was very needy and ate all the time,then the lack of sleep set in, now he prefers me to anyone so I feel like I can't leave him... there's always something. I find the best thing I can do to is to be there for other Moms -- whenever a friend or relative has a child, I call, I go see them, I make sure they are OK and talking about what they feel. I didn't have anyone to talk to and that is what helps the most I found. Friends would call me, but they'd always ask how Thomas was or say how cute his latest pictures were. Moms who've been through this (and are still going through it to some degree) need to be there for other Moms. Motherhood is awesome but it isn't easy.

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- Friday, October 10, 2008 4:53 PM | Claire (Administrator)
  
  Mireille,
  I agree with you 100%. I also struggled tremedously the first few months, the transition to being a mom was not easy for me b/c I was so career oriented, but I found that by creating this group and reaching out and helping other moms, it really helped me in return. We really need to stick together and help each other out especially in our society, where we are so isolated from family (in our quest to be independent) For me once I finished High School I moved away from home to gain independence and it was fine until I had my daughter, then I realised that I didn't have any support structure or help from my mom - the one thing I wanted most. My mom tells me all the time, that when she had us, she had aunts, cousins, parents - everyone around to help to raise us - so she didn't feel isolated or alone.
  
  So I really believe that if we associate ourselves with other moms, reach out to them and get together with moms to share the the joys and challegies of parenting we will find that those baby blues will not last so long.
  
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Monday, April 20, 2009 10:03 AM | Megan

I understand what Jessica went through. I raised my child all by myself with very little help until the 7th month when my husband took over at night time. For me, the hardest thing was being sleep deprived. I hit rock bottom when I found out my baby had a hole in his heart and needed open heart surgery. I feel so much better now after my child went through heart surgery and everything went so well. He is gaining weight and is taller now. I enjoy being with my child now and love him more and more.

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